The Sunshine Award – Go me!

See this darling little award?  Yours truly won it from This Lady! I am truly touched that she chose my blog for this for this award.

Here are the rules!

1. Link the award to the person who gave it to me. (tad da!)
2. Answer questions about myself.
3. Nominate up to 10 bloggers for this award, and link my nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.
1. Favorite number:   4!   It’s how many children I originally was wanting to have.  Two boys and Two girls.  One born in each season of the year.  I had all of their names selected as well. I ended up with one amazing son born on the first day of winter so many many years ago.
2. Favorite non-alcoholic drink:I need to give up soda, but if I want to drink something oh gosh I can’t believe I am admitting this.  Okay – I love ice cold grape crush.  I know you are all just cringing.
3. Favorite animal:   Probably a Beluga Whale or a Sloth.

4. Facebook or Twitter:  I do both and I really don’t like both, how contrary is that?

5. My passion:  My job helping parents have children who otherwise can’t.
6. Favorite day of the week: Probably Friday and Saturday.
7. Favorite flower: Lilac, roses, and hydrangeas.
Next, I am to choose online journalists that I admire and enjoy reading.
I nominate the following…in no particular order.

1.     I have been reading Anna for a very long time.  She lost her son Jack last year, he was my son’s age.  I am so proud of her, and hurt with her.

2.     Kathy I have been reading since my son was born – gosh that’s almost 12 years ago.  What I love about Kathy is she’s a warrior, she’s kind, she’s genuine, and I love her very much.  It’s amazing how we become attached to those who aren’t 3D in our lives.  I hope one day I do meet her in person, share a meal, and laugh.  I know she can laugh.

3.     Now Poolie who I know originated this award is someone I simply cannot leave out.  I have learned so much from this amazing lady.  I have learned about love, tolerance, spirituality, fairness, the list goes on and on.  She’s another 2D person that I can’t wait to meet 3D.

4.     Is There Any Mommy Out There was a journal I began to read so many years ago.  This woman is after my own heart.  She raises her kids with love, and firmness.  She’s so balanced.

5.     I also read Kelle who has this delicious little girl named Nella who was born with Downs Syndrome.  Reading her journey has been such an eye opening experience for me.

And that my friends is pretty much all the journals I think are worthy of this award : )

Thank you for nominating me, I am humbled.

I am your child

It seems like yesterday that we were gently placing our son’s tiny seven pound body into the car seat and strapping him in for his first ride home. Oh how terrified we were. I think we drove 25 miles per hour all the way home. And then we joyously experienced all of those firsts, his first smile, his first words, his first steps, lost his first tooth, and before I knew it my husband and I were taking him to his first day of Kindergarten.

And now he’s embarking upon puberty, middle school, and he’s just plain growing up with all the stuff that goes with that — namely independence.

Over the past 12 years I have had plenty of time to think about my role in my son’s life, the loss of my genetics, being a mom, and what that all means. During this time my son and I have had many conversations about “all of this” and my son who is wise beyond his years has simplified it for me.

He says to me, “Mom, I am your child.” And while he waxes Yoda I am reminded of Barry Manilow’s simple yet powerful song: I am your child

Oh How I Wish I Were More Like Mr. Rogers…

“I like you just the way you are…” (Fred Rogers, 2001, PBS)

But I don’t.  I am a judgy bitch.  And I admit it. What runs through my head a lot is:  ” I don’t always like what comes out of your mouth.  More often than not I really don’t like your politics, or the way you look down your nose at me because I don’t share, or embrace your particular denomination because I have one of my own, and I am comfortable in my faith.  So please stop telling me I am going to hell.”

Most of the time I keep my mouth shut, nodding and smiling benignly. I don’t want to cause a scene, create a controversy or a “thing” because deep down you have the right to feel the way you want to feel. I have a hard time saying “no” – I feel guilty when I say no.  It’s so dumb.

Mr. Rogers always seemed to accept people for who they are. Nice, mean, fat, old, young, skinny, Republican, Democrat, Atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Agnostic, Buddhist — no matter what he accepted people for who they were.

As I age I find instead of being more tolerant and mellowing as the years go by there’s a whole lot more I am just intolerant of.

So here I am a judgy bitch and for once I don’t feel guilty about it in the least bit. Is that bad?

It’s Sunday and My Foot Hurts…

I have been a “good girl” and been really working hard on that whole healthy living-life-style-drink-lots-of-water-take-your-vitamins crap. I am pretty much wheat free and dairy free. Working on the whole beef and pork free thing, but it’s slow in coming. I like meat. So after one of my work out’s I stepped up into my vehicle and felt a pop, a tear and a burn. And would you believe I tore my Achilles tendon? I mean Jesus who does that.

Just call me “Hobbles” Yep, or Hop A long Cassidy for short.

Pisses me off if you ask me.

What I have noticed through the years is when I write I don’t eat. When I don’t write I isolate and eat. Kind of like hide-n-seek. I think right now however, I can attribute my current weight loss to a lovely virus called Gastritis. I thought for sure Friday I was having a Gallbladder attack, but no after seeing the saw bones it was diagnosed as Gastritis. Thank God for modern medicine and tummy drugs.

Man, I just don’t have that much to say that’s funny, or witty.

I think of crap when I am either falling asleep, or just waking up.

It’s almost the middle of February…

Okay where the heck did January and half of February go? I mean really. I have thought I should actually write in this bad boy because well after all it’s a journal – right?

The video diary…

Has had to go private. If you want to see it message me…

A look back to 2011 – a year in review…

This is what happened last year. Since it’s January 1st, 2012!! I know, right? 2012!?!?! It seems fitting to reflect today about what happened 366 day ago and then as we say it:

BRING IT 2012!!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Traveled to Florida with my son — I have been there with my husband for our honeymoon but we took our 11 year old to Walt Disney World to share with him what we fell in love with there, and holy mother of fun, was it amazing.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t make them but strive to live healthier, not be as anxious, be more aware, and more tolerant of others.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I run an organization that helps infertile women have babies, so I think I helped welcome about 100 into 2011, which was incredibly exciting!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

I stayed home, I didn’t even go to Canada or Mexico, I suck!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Healthy, Security, Harmony, less anxiety. Balance, more balance.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 9th, 2011, the say I had to read that a friend of mine was charged with a felony, actually pleaded guilty to this felony and I had no idea this was happening. It was mind blowing.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Losing 60+ lbs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not making enough time for me and realizing that some people who I thought were friends were not — so all in all not taking care of me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes and let me tell you they sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The best thing I bought — oh probably my Ipad2. Awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband’s.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I do not want to go here, Internet. Thinking about it just makes me… appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Of course bills — mortgage, home repairs, taxes, utilities, etc…

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Being healthier as a family, connecting with my spouse more, growing my organization, going into business for myself, watching my child grow into an amazing young man.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011?

“F” you by Cee lo Green
and all of those fun songs by Glee.
Red Solo Cup by Toby Keith

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? I am happier I think, and wiser.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner byt 60+ lbs.

c) richer or poorer? Neither.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise. Cleaning. Being zen.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Fretting. Worrying. Stressing. Being impatient.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my in-law eating prime rib

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I fell in love more and more with my spouse:)

22. What was your favorite TV program?

How I met your Mother, Two and a Half Men, Grimm, and Glee those were all great.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Frustrated and hurt yes, hate no.

24. What was the best book you read?

25. What did you want and get?

A genealogy subscription

26. What did you want and not get?

A new house.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

Bridesmaids, the last installment of Harry Potter, and I enjoyed New Moon.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 48 and I don’t remember what I did. Nothing substantial.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I’d spent more time just enjoying life, rather than worrying about the future.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Traditional casual

31. What kept you sane?

My work, my kid, my spouse, and my therapist, let’s throw in some music for good measure.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don’t admire any celebrities to be honest.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Don’t get me started.

34. Who did you miss?

I miss my former self.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

That’s a good question – let me think about that.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

To slow down and to think about things but don’t over analyze.